I Have A Friend …

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OK so it’s fair to say I’m more than a little behind on my blog reading lately. I just don’t seem to find the time even though I really miss it and really want to find out what’s been happening out there in blogland. Today when I took a few minutes to start reading through my backlog of 100+ posts in my bloglovin’ feed I noticed a while back there was a theme, one that resonated with me, one that I also want to delve into. That theme was FRIENDSHIP.

I have a friend who ….

Is always there for me no matter what

Can never seem to find the time to catch up with me

Goes out of her way to make me feel loved

Accepts me for who I am and doesn’t try to change my crazy ways

Can disagree with me but not make me feel wrong

Supports me in all I do

Listens without judgement

Gets angry at people I am angry at and will tell me to ignore the bullies

Loves my children as if they were her own

Has a secret I can’t wait for her to share with the world so I can be as excited on the outside as I am on the inside

Takes everything I have to give but does not return the favour

Is happy for me to come to her but won’t come to me

I think doesn’t really like me at all

Is just as crazy as I am

Isn’t really a friend at all

Competes with everything I do and puts me down

Talks behind my back and bad mouths everything I do

Has held me as I cried in pain, tears rolling down my face and body heaving in agony

Has stuck up for me in front of complete strangers

I know loves me but doesn’t know how to show it

Only wants to tell me about her life and doesn’t care about mine

Constantly complains about her life but won’t do anything to change it

Is the most amazing person I have ever met and whom I owe so much

Is able to make me feel better when I am down, no matter what

Will always be there until the end

As I read through the above list, of qualities of friends past and present, I realise that quite a few of those qualities show that the women they describe aren’t really friends at all.

Over the years I seem to have less friends but the ones I have are true friends and reflect the qualities that are integral to maintaining a healthy relationship. These women who are a part of my life have helped shape me in ways I am sure they don’t even realise.

I know it’s not the done thing to tell your friends how much you care, and how much they mean to you, but it should be exactly what we do.

To all of my friends out there THANK YOU for the person you are, for the amazing woman and friend you are, for bringing out the me that I love and admire. Without you I would be lost. xoxo

Do you have friends who when you think about it don’t really deserve the title? Do you have amazing women in your life who help you be the best you you can be? Do you tell them how you feel about them?

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20130529-103630.jpgI Love This Photo Of Niamh and I!

20130529-103701.jpgHarper All Cosy And Napping At A Party

20130529-103730.jpg Declan Finally Sleeping (And Apparently Dreaming About Roller Coasters) At A Party

Niamh – You are such a little firecracker. So full of energy, so cheeky, so curious. This week you lost your best friend, your dog Paris, in such a horrible way. I am sorry that you had to experience such grief so young, that I couldn’t help Paris and save her for you, and I am sorry that you now have a real understanding about what death is. I hope in time the sad memories fade and the happy ones become the dominant again.

Harper – You are such a happy and placid little girl. That is until your brother gets upset. Then you let us all know what you think about us. So protective already, the twin bond is so strong. This week you are finally getting the hang of “talking” to us and the joy on your face when you can make these sounds come out is a true delight to behold.

Declan – It’s been a rough week for you my little man. You are struggling to sleep during the day, you have a sore looking dermatitis-like rash all over your face (so scaly and dry), and your vomiting has increased. The doctor is having you tested for lactose intolerance now. I don’t know why you are in pain and unhappy, I just hope we can get to the bottom of it soon and start to help you feel better.

Last week my favourite post was of North and Indigo over at This Whole Family. Such opposites in both children. North with his tousled, slightly grumpy look. Indigo with her pure joy on the swings.

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The Positivity Files 4

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Artwork by Niamh

Sorry about the month-long wait on this one. It’s not that I didn’t have anything positive happen over the last month, I was just flat out living life with 3 beautiful terrors children. I also didn’t write down things throughout the weeks to make my life easy. This week back to jotting down positive happenings at the end of every night.

* Sleep, blessed, wonderful, amazing sleep. I didn’t realise how truly tired I was until I started getting more sleep. Harper and Declan are steaming towards a full nights sleep with the one overnight feed getting ever closer to a reasonable (for me) morning wake up.

* A change in routine. Because of the later night feeds the twins now wake up around 8, or I get them up. This means feeds are around 12, 4 and 8. This is perfect for us as Hubby, Niamh and I can eat dinner as soon as hubby gets home at 6:30 then move straight into the nighttime routine. Much better than trying to juggle dinner, hungry loud babies who need a bath / shower and a feed.

* Being able to get dinner on the table by 6:30 every night. Seriously I deserve an award for this! First of all I hate cooking, like really hate it. Secondly, the twins go through witching hour (or hours as the case may be) during this time. Getting a half decent meal on the table, that everyone will eat (fussy hubby more so than fussy Niamh) is a miracle!!!

* Our baby swings are the best thing ever. Witching hour is manageable now we have put them together and the correct batteries installed. While Declan is swung to peace, if not sleep, Harper can have a nap and I can get things (like the above mentioned dinner) done.

* Online shopping. This was a first for me. I have never, ever, ever bought clothes online. I am the sort of person who walks into a shop, tries on a million things, and then may walk out with something that looks half decent. Sometimes. This week I got brave and with the help of a measuring tape and a size guide ordered some clothes.

* Bravery. OK I know I’m blowing my own trumpet here but I feel like I was really brave and want to share. Some of the clothes I bought online were too big (another positive yay me) and I needed to return them. So when Niamh was at Kinder for her full day Friday I toddled off to the closest store and returned them. While there I partook in a little shopping, fed the twins (that was my biggest fear, how to feed them both while out) and had a spot of lunch. I felt like superwoman afterward and so, well, proud of myself.

* The resilience of children. This month we had a traumatic event occur when Niamh’s dog Paris, a tiny little teacup chihuahua, somehow got into the yard behind us and was killed by the big aggressive dogs that live there. Although all of this has been absolutely horrible, Niamh is slowly remembering the good things about Paris and forgetting the details of what happened. Resilience and a short memory span for the negatives are great things and I’m glad Niamh has both.

* Nutella pancakes. Do I need to elaborate? Did I mention they also had sliced banana. Going out for breakfast is just the best. When your bestie and her hubby comes too, divine.

* Having a girls day out. For Mothers Day hubby and my kidlets got me a reasonable chunk of voucher from my favourite fat ladies store. To spend said voucher I was also entitled to a day off. After above-mentioned heaven of a breakfast there was a massage at the local day spa and a butt load of shopping. I came away with some gorgeous clothes and a better self-esteem after finding some lovely things that made me feel great.

* Online sales, oh how I love thee. After becoming brave enough to shop online, and after I had a better idea of what size I was at my favourite stores (smaller than I thought and the guide told me yay) I had the confidence to buy some gorgeous clothes at quite reduced prices. My favourite piece by far is a tunic / dress in a rainbow print that is just divine. When I get the opportunity to wear it I promise to share.

* Doctors finally listening, or should that be doctors who know what they’re talking about. I finally saw a doctor who took my concerns seriously and she started the ball rolling with tests. After a couple of confusing face swelling incidents she sent me straight to a paediatrician. Turns out he is the best and she went above and beyond to get me in immediately. This means Declan and Harper’s cows milk allergies were diagnosed before Declan’s allergic reactions progressed to anaphylaxis. It also means we have now started down the road of dealing with the problems my poor bubbas have been having.

* Trusting myself and my parenting. There are a fee reasons why I began to doubt myself and my ability to parent Niamh for her best outcomes. The reasons are not important. What is important is that somebody close to me gave me a mental shaking and helped me get my parenting mojo back. It’s amazing how quickly things I improved between Niamh and I once I started parenting my way and from a knowledge of who she is and what she needed.

* Kinder is amazing for many reasons. The socialisation for Niamh with different children, the learning she has been so enthusiastic to partake in, the sharing of new things when she gets home, the positive experiences she is having outside of home. They are all setting her in good stead for a positive start to her primary schooling next year. And don’t judge me but sometimes that break when Niamh is at Kinder is exactly what need too.

* My mum has been dropping in at least once a week just to check in and make sure I am doing OK. It’s nice to know someone is looking out for me. Even more important is that there have been a couple of times this past month when I have had to call her for assistance and she has come straight over. Help with Niamh when Paris was killed, to look after the kids while I went to the chemist so I didn’t need to take them out in the rain, and most recently to stay with the girls so Hubby could come for a late night dash to the hospital with Declan.

* Sisterly love. I may not see my sister as much as I would like but I know she truly loves me and my children. She even likes my hubby lol. When we do get to see each other it’s so nice. The chats, the relaxing, the understanding. Now if only our kids would be nicer to each other and act like friends instead of siblings.

* My besties. I am lucky to have a couple of really close friends who support me so very much. One in particular has lately become my life saver, knowing exactly what I need and when. Sometimes I think she has ESP!! I’m brewing up a post about her that you should see in the near future.

* Actually on the topic of friends, I am lucky to have some amazing friends who understand what I am going through even if they haven’t experienced it themselves.

* Currently I am having a love affair with boots. So much so that I have gone a little crazy in my acquiring of said boots. In the space of two weeks I bought a pair of black knee highs, a pair of black rouched calf boots, and two pairs of true ankle boots (black and camel) because they were so damn comfy.

* After my shopping spree, both online and out in the real world, I have begun to feel good in the clothes I wear. This is a very new thing for me. It’s actually rare that I feel happy with what I wear or how I look. But after some thinking about what I really like, how I want to look, what makes me uncomfortable and what works on my body, I have started to build a wardrobe of things I love.

* Since changing formulas and having the twins diagnosed with cows milk allergy things are slowly improving. They are no longer congested, there have been no face seeking or throat hoarsening incidents, no more diarrhoea and nappies that no longer smell as if they are filled with road kill.

* Love and hugs from Niamh. Although we have our ups and downs there is nothing that beats the random “I love you mummy’s” and hugs and kisses that I get blessed with on a regular basis. Heart melting stuff.

* Getting brave and considering the future is something that is slowly occurring. Lately I have felt as if our family needs a big change. I’m not sure what this change will be but I am opening myself up to embracing it when it appears in our lives and not running from it in fear. Whatever it is I know something is coming and I am feeling more prepared for it each day.

* I am blessed to have a hubby who makes sure I take time out for me. A shopping trip, a couple of hours at the hairdressers, a massage, a chance to sneak out for a cuppa with a girlfriend, time to sleep. All of these things recharge my batteries and allow me to be a better version of myself.

* I think I may have mentioned this before, but I hate cooking. It’s just not something I enjoy am or very talented at. My repertoire includes things that are quick and easy to cook and prepare, which is probably a very good thing now the twins are here. So imagine my delight in myself and my cooking prowess when I created delicious pizza scrolls in the slow cooker!!

* Kids birthday parties. Seriously they are just so much fun for everyone. The kids have a ball, parenting is stress free (unless tears result, which occurs more often than you think) and the adults get a chance to catch up and gossip. Did I mention birthday cake? And even better, when you leave, lolly bags! Win win all around.

* Time alone with Niamh. We’ve had birthday parties and a visit with my bestie that included all of us having a “coffee tea”. Poor Niamh has the concept right, we just must say cuppa tea too fast for her dear little ears lol. Or perhaps it’s because you ask “do you want a coffee or tea”. Either way I love my “coffee teas” with my boofa.

* Cheeky, cheeky bubba smiles from Harper just melt my heart and make me laugh out loud no matter how inappropriate that laughter may be. She just has a way of grinning at you all open mouthed and gummy, her head turned and slightly tilted to the side, and usually gripping her hands reminiscent of Mr Burns. It’s really hard not to respond at 4am when she should be hurrying up with her bottle and going straight back to bed.

* Declan’s giggles are one of the best sounds on Earth. Even though my little man goes through so much pain on any given day, he can find something to giggle about and melt my heart. He loves his kisses and will chuckle when I bounce him and kiss his face all over. Such a beautiful little boy.

* And I left the best for last. For the last week the twins have slept through the night. As in, they have gone down between 8 and 8:30 at night, and not woken until 7am. It has been wonderful. Now if only I could sleep through the night instead of getting up to check on them, to see if their sounds are because they need me, and of course to pee. Hopefully this is a trend that will continue from now on!!

I’ve decided I would like to make an addition to my positivity files. Each week I am going to nominate something I am going to commit to doing to increase my positivity, feelings of happiness, or increase my general week being. Each week I will add to a list of things I am doing, not just to remind myself of all I accomplish but also to remember that positivity and happiness are things you work towards.

So today I begin my list I start with something simple. To increase my positivity and happiness I will:
1. Have a shower every day.

This sounds simple but its actually about making time for myself to enjoy a nice, hot, relaxing shower no matter how short the duration. A couple of minutes to myself to enjoy all that a shower has to offer.

What positive things have happened in your life lately? What do you do to increase your well being and feelings of happiness? Any suggestions of things I can eventually add to my list?

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20130521-181246.jpg Niamh Posing After A Bath Wearing My Hair Towel

20130521-181413.jpg Harper Looking Up At Mummy With Love In Her Eyes

20130521-181602.jpg Declan Looking So Cute In His Party Clothes

Niamh – you are such a funny little girl. You take such joy in life and find the funny side of things wherever you go. You are also such a little mum. You beg to change nappies, help with baths and play with “your twins” every chance you get. It’s no surprise they look at you in adoration and save their biggest smiles for you!

Harper & Declan – you’ve both been so unsettled this past week. I’m not sure if we have just had a growth spurt, are in the middle of one,or there is something else bothering you. Daytime sleep is becoming hard to achieve and although you are tired you do not want to go to bed. However you also do not want to be up. I think you are both moving to a new routine (I always let you pave your own way and just follow your lead) but are not sure what that will be as yet.

Harper – you have such big beautiful eyes that show your every emotion. They fill with love, mirth, and unfortunately pain. You are reacting well to the thickened formula and as yet have not had to take any medication for the mild reflux you have. You are a cheeky little thing who pulls off a cute little smirk so easily.

Declan – your reflux has been fairly nasty this week. There have been nights of big vomits that ended up with entire wardrobe changes for the both of us. There have been days and nights of pain that included many tears (anyone who says babies don’t cry tears haven’t seen a baby in pain) and heartache for mummy. But through it all you have a HUGE smile that lights up the room and your baby coos are just heart melting. You are so social and will talk to anyone and everyone, including the news reader on TV.

Last week my favourite 52 Project blog post was of Jessica over at A little pink a little blue. Such gorgeous photos of a beautiful little girl!

 

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Twin Misconceptions

I am known to be a very sarcastic person with a somewhat “unusual” sense of humour. People do not always know how to take me or to be able to tell when I am joking. So for the interests of not offending anyone or being misconstrued:

This post is meant to be humorous. It may sound bitchy in parts, it may not be funny to you, you may not get it. These are actual misconceptions I have personally come across and dealt with, and are then honest internal dialogues I have with myself each and every time I come across them. It’s amazing how little people know about twins unless they are one, have a set, or have siblings who are twins.

Are they identical? . Hmm now how do I tackle this one?? I could try subtle but have found the whole one’s a boy and one’s a girl invariably leads to a repeat of the original question. The not-so-subtle sledge hammer type approach of one has a penis and one has a vagina does get some strange or shocked looks, but it does not always lead to understanding. All that’s left is a deadpan “uh no” while internally I laugh my ass off and roll my eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. The worst cuplrits of this are actually adults, kids get it pretty quickly when you explain the impossibility of having identical male / female twins!! The scariest thing is I have had medical professionals ask me this one!!!

How can you tell them apart? Yep another variation on the above! You mean beside the fact that one has a penis and the other a vagina??? Don’t even worry about me, how can YOU not. I’m making it easy on you. One is in blue, the other in pink. Simple really. Unless of course you think I cross dress my children??

My kids are 9 – 18months apart. That’s like twins. . OMFG are you really serious? Like really? Really???? It. Is. NOTHING. Like. Twins. It is hard I am sure, but it is not like having twins. At all. In any way. Ever. I mean for one there are different birthdays (unless you’re talking to someone with interval twins – born days or months apart – I kid you not that exists). You were pregnant twice and did not have the same risks, pains or difficulties a twin mum had. One is on solids the other milk only. One sleeps all the time (hopefully) and is still at that crying for no reason or every reason stage while the other is awake a lot more, can sit up, probably move and somewhere close to walking. I could keep listing reasons but I think you get the point!

Then there are the people who refer to them as “boys” or “girls” as the concept of twins to them means same gender.. This one I ignore. Honestly I do. There’s no point because its usually a stranger and they are obviously colour blind. And when I will subtly use he and she when referring to each child (especially now I know Harper is an old English girls name but an Indian boys name!) it makes no difference. Smile, nod, leave.

They’re not real twins. . I actually first heard this from someone whose best friend had a twin sister. To make matters worse HE WAS A TWIN HIMSELF! This is where I really just want to put on my best teacher voice and ask “What does the word twin mean to you?” This is a huge misconception. Twin = identical. Even if they don’t look the same, same gendered twins = identical. Lets just say I was at a party at the time, he was drinking, and I walked away when we got down to the very mature “Yes they are / No they’re not” retorts.

Did you do IVF / You must have had assistance (e.g. clomid or IVF). This is even after I have assured people my twins were naturally occurring. This really does piss me off. Not so much if its a question (although that is quite rude – lucky I’m an over-sharer and don’t mind) but when it’s a statement, or worse yet someone is arguing with me about the presence of assistance to conceive, that gets my internal bitch stark raving mad. And if you’ve caught me on a bad day I’m imagining slapping you on the upside of your head. Do you realise you are calling me a liar when you question my “no they’re natural”?

Are you sure you’re having twins, you’re not that big. This may surprise you but I found that just as insulting as if I was carrying a singleton and you asked if I sure I wasn’t having twins because I was so big. It made me feel as if I wasn’t “growing” my babies properly.

Linked to the above was “they must be really small, even for twins“. Um no they’re really bloody big actually. 95th percentile at 30 weeks kinda big. I think people should have a filter inserted when speaking to pregnant ladies. Comments about their weight / size are a no no. So are comments about the babies’ weight / size. When you link the two it’s better just to STFU because I guarantee you will offend.

You’re bottle feeding because its easier with twins / You can’t breast feed twins. First of all many women breast feed twins very, very successfully. It’s amazing how capable a woman’s body is when it comes to their babies. Unless of course it’s not. I did not make the choice not to breast feed my body made that choice. It can be a sensitive issue for me now considering Declan’s allergy could be more easily managed if he was breastfed. There are times I feel like a failure. So if you just assume I made the choice because its easier for me, that I am the sort of person who would put my own needs before those of my children, there are two words for you that I am too much of a lady to utter.

There must be twins in your family. This is a big misconception. There is no familial link with fraternal twins, or so I have read over and over again. There can be hormonal problems that can be passed down but this does not guarantee twins. I was shocked, I still am. This is a misconception I don’t want to let go of. Maybe that’s because I like to scare all the women in my family who are either at child bearing age or still too young. Lots of female cousins are still under 20 and I love making them sweat!

I bet its really hard and you’re struggling / You won’t be able to cope. I will be straight with you. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. When pregnant I would work myself up to a nice little panic thinking about how I would cope. It’s no harder than one (if your one is like Niamh was as a baby). My twins sleep better, are happier and are more settled than my first. The upside of already having a child. After I tell you this shut up. No seriously. I am not lying and if you push the point you are calling me a liar. Again. It’s amazing how many people think you are lying. It’s insulting. The whole you won’t be able to cope thing is seriously THE most single insulting thing that has ever been said to me. If you can’t figure out why not only are you nasty and rude, you are also one of the stupidest people on Earth.

No more kids for you! Why? Are women supposed to stop at two or three? Or is it because I have each gender represented? Do you think I wouldn’t be able to cope with more or am a bad mother to the ones I have? Seriously since when is it up to you to tell me when to stop??? It’s like those people who give couples a hard time that only have one child. It’s none of your bloody business!!! I actually like the thought of another (I have a fixation on even numbers) but I’m not sure financially and physically it would be the right decision. But guess what, it’s OUR decision (my Hubby’s and I) and not yours so back off.

So have I enlightened you any on the mysteries of twins? Is there something you were wondering or not sure of that I didn’t cover that I could help you with (if I know the answer lol)? Have you heard any twin misconceptions or old wives tales that I haven’t?

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20130513-103340.jpgNiamh Having. A Ball At Mothers Day Afternoon At Her Kinder

20130513-103510.jpg Harper Gazing Out Of The Window

20130513-103806.jpgDeclan All Rugged Up For The Cold Weather

Niamh – We’ve had a much better week this week. The tantrums and attitudes lessened, we stopped butting heads and just enjoyed being together. We had a lovely time together at your Kinder’s Mothers Day Afternoon Tea playing together, singing, dancing, along with lots of cuddles. I really loved every second we got to spend alone together.

Harper – This week you yet again proved girls are braver than boys 😉 You and your brother had your immunisations and although you cried (who can blame you) it was only for a second, unlike your brother who cried for quite a while after. You have also been unsettled this week and I miss your ease of sleeping and eating. I hope this is just a phase and you go back to your happy, non-grumpy self soon.

Declan – This week you smiled for the first time. Not just smiled, but smiled at mummy. My poor heart melted into a puddle of goo. Another not so happy first for you however was the appearance of tears. You have been in so much pain with your reflux and it just breaks my heart to hold you while your tears stream down your face and you cry. My poor little man I hope we can get it all under control soon.

Last week my favourite blog post from The 52 Project was over at It Only Gets Better. Little Cedric trying to feed himself with a spoon, unsuccessfully, with a cheeky look on his face melted my heart.

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The Positivity Files 3

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Artwork by Niamh

20130508-220716.jpg * I had such a wonderful bonding experience with Niamh when I went to her Kinder’s Mothers Day Afternoon Tea. It’s the first time I was able to go to something like this and hubby was wonderful, organising to work from home and stay with the twins so it could just be the two of us. We played doctors, with play dough, sang, danced, painted and drew pictures. I even got to eat chocolate balls she had made!!!

 

 

* FINALLY getting a smile from Declan. Geez that boy made me work hard for the privilege. However I can say mummy got the first one, it was MASSIVE, and all because I gave him a kiss. What mummy doesn’t love that!

20130508-220815.jpg * Creating kick ass play dough snowmen with Miss Niamh, we did an awesome job if I do say so myself!!!!

20130508-221145.jpg * THIS

20130508-221256.jpg * and THIS

20130508-221422.jpg * and THIS

* After a night of pretty much no sleep, a day of tired babies yet again not sleeping, hubby away for work, and feeling like a zombie, it was great to go to mum’s. A delicious dinner I didn’t cook, chocolate pudding for desert, and people other than me to soothe the twins and play with Niamh.

* Sleep, oh blessed sleep. After our Wednesday night of hell the twins decided to increase their night time block of sleep. They now feed at 7pm, go to sleep at around 8pm after their bottle and sleep all the way to 1 or 2am. After a feed they’re usually down until at least 6:30 if not 7am. Lets hope this is a trend that continues and perhaps increases!!!

* FRIDAY. Just all of it. For lots of reasons and none really in particular. It was just a wonderful nothing of a day. Hubby came home from a business trip, I got blessed sleep (more than expected), it was a beautiful day, beautiful friends visited, Niamh was happy. It was great!

* Niamh and the funny things she says increase my happiness every day. My favourite from this week was when we had just pulled up home from Kinder. There was a balding, fairly rotund man working on the excavator that seems permanently parked outside our house (don’t get me started this is a positivity post). As we pull into the driveway Niamh comes out with “OMG I can’t believe this” (I was waiting for “shit” as that’s what it sounded like) in an attitude filled tone. “What’s wrong?” I queried, just a little concerned. “The fat controller’s here” she replied, deadpan. Lets just say she has my sense of humour and we both had to wipe tears of mirth away.

* Saturday night I was feeding Declan his bedtime bottle. Hubby had already taken Harper off to bed. It was just Declan and I in a darkened room, enjoy our time alone, snuggling. When all of a sudden Declan pushed the bottle out of his mouth, stilled, and looked up at me with absolute unconditional love shining out of his eyes. I was spellbound and sat there slowly melting into a puddle of goo.

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20130514-181557.jpg* Mother’s Day. I was thoroughly spoiled. Shopping, my beautiful new teapot and teas, finding the jacket I have been lusting over in my size AND on sale, and a voucher to go shopping for new clothes! Throw in a delicious dinner I didn’t cook and it was perfection!!

 

 

* Maroon 5. OK I know you’re thinking oooooookaaaaaay but the reason is three pronged. One, their music is just awesome, I love the way it makes me feel, and you can just power out their lyrics at the top of your voice and feel kick ass (guess who has just rotated her entire collection back into her cars playlist). Two, uh hello ADAM FRICKEN LEVINE. That man is damn hot, like damn hot. And three, ADAM FRICKEN LEVINE.

20130510-205435.jpg Wouldn’t kick him out of bed if he farted I tell you! Photo was taken as part of the Everyman Charity. Oh and yes, you’re welcome 😉

What wonderful, positive or exciting things happened in your world this week?

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Harper & Declan – Your Birth Story Part 2

As I was wheeled into the recovery cubicle I saw you both snuggled in your cribs and smiled. I was shaking and cold but overjoyed. I smiled at your daddy as I was given a shot of Maxalon in my thankfully numb thigh to stop the nausea. Harper was quickly named, it was the only name we both agreed on for you anyway. Declan you were originally Harry, but your dad was adamant it didn’t fit and that you looked just like a Declan, so Declan you became. That’s when everything becomes blurry in my memory and my recollections are far less than accurate. Turns out I am allergic to Maxalon and suffered a psychotic episode when I was given it to stop my nausea. Rare but apparently this can occur when it is injected instead of run through the IV. I began to thrash on my bed. One minute I was gazing at you both, the next my head would whip away. My arms and legs were leaping off the bed, my back jumping around, my head gaining speed, and my throat and jaw began to tighten. I got frustrated as all I wanted to do was look at you both and I couldn’t stay still long enough.

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I remember your dad telling me he had called my mum, dad and sister, and asked if there was anything else I wanted him to do. This is where my recollections divert from everyone else’s. I truly believe and recall with absolute clarity replying something along the lines of “thanks that’s great but I can’t really deal with this at the moment.” In reality according to all others in the room I erupted in a string of abuse, dropping the f bomb like it was going out of fashion. Your poor dad had no idea what was going on but knew something was very wrong. It was at this point the students were asked to leave and there was talk of eclampsia, testing urine, urgently paging the senior anaesthetist and deciding to take you away from me yet again.

It had been hours since you were born and you needed to feed. I wanted to breast feed but obviously that was dangerous for you both so the paediatric nurse tried to hand express my colostrum. Yet another problem, there was none at all to be found. The blood loss and reactions to the epidural and Maxalon had taken its toll. Your first feed would be formula and I was devastated. However I had bigger concerns on my mind.

I’ll be the first to admit I had started to panic. Eclampsia? WTF I had been perfectly fine. OMG I’m going to die. My poor babies will never even get a hug off me. Niamh will hate her siblings cause they killed me. How will hubby raise 3 kids alone, let alone newborn twins …………………

Turns out paranoia is also part of the Maxalon psychotic episode reaction. However at the time I didn’t know that so while outwardly I didn’t let on, inside I was screaming, panicking and desperately scared.

The anaesthetist came and started asking if I was feeling paranoid. I didn’t want to tell him I was scared, terrified in fact. After the way I had carried on with the spinal no way was I going to act the wuss again (warped thinking hey, gotta love going crazy). So I kept it simple. NO. He asked again. Again I answered NO. There now he’ll think I’m a good mum. Strong, and brave, and tough. I doubt I had him convinced as he quickly deduced I was indeed paranoid (God knows what my face looked like to give me away so quickly, or was it the fact I was constantly telling all and sundry I wasn’t faking the thrashing and jerking – pretty good feat if I was considering I couldn’t feel 85% of my body lol) and diagnosed the allergic reaction. So no eclampsia, no death, no orphaned babies or widowed dad. I was relieved, and after a shot of morphine, had started to calm down.

Unfortunately I don’t do well with strong pain medication and became so relaxed I don’t remember much at all of that night. I don’t really remember my first cuddles, or bottle feeding you both, what happened when your sister met you for the first time (although I do remember her coming). I remember who came to visit that first night but not what was said. I remember Declan being taken to special care nursery to use their blood glucose meter as there were some concerns about your blood sugar levels being too low, but not how I reacted. I was told later by my girlfriend Bel she was surprised with how calm I was when he went but there was no other option really. The morphine had me floating with no worries in the world.

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So that is your journey into this world my beautiful twinnies. It may not be as accurate as I would like, there are chunks missing, but that’s how I will always recall it. Regardless of the end stretch I am just very grateful you are both here, healthy, and a part of our family. Regardless of how scary or traumatic some parts were, knowing that the end result was always going to be the blessings that are you both, I would go through it all again regardless. You have both completed our family and brought us more joy than we could have ever imagined. Welcome to our family little ones, we love you both xoxo

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The Positivity Files 2

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Artwork by Niamh

This week I’ve found it’s helped immensely shifting my focus from the negative to the positive. I feel calmer and more accepting of the downs when I can see so many ups in my life!

20130501-174301.jpg * My new car. Now I have room for the two rear facing car seats and Niamh’s booster in the back without being shoved into the steering wheel and the passenger eating glove box!! It’s a cool looking people mover and makes me think of the A Team. I feel bad ass every time I sit in it.

* Harper’s hungry cry is the funniest thing ever. She starts off quiet but every 5 seconds or so it sounds like she is yelling HEY at the top of her lungs. Cracks me up every time!!

* Grocery Shopping Online, my saviour!!! At the moment I’m not supposed to drive (a 30 second kinder drop off doesn’t count I say) and being housebound really makes it hard to get certain things done, like the weekly shop. Thanks to online grocery shopping and delivery I can do it all from my couch. Not only can I see all available items and find the bargains, I can also control my spending thanks to a running tally, and I am not tempted by impulse buys. This will definitely continue even when I can drive (and save me trying to figure out how to manage the twins at the same time).

* Friends who are plumbers (or should I say Hubby’s cricket mates who are plumbers). After Niamh’s discovery of gravity using an outdoor drain pipe and large rocks, and a hefty $1700 plus quote to fix the resulting issues, it was an amazing feeling when said friend came, spent an hour and resolved the issue to a tune of $200. HUGE sigh of relief!!

* Some lovely mums from Kinder invited Niamh and I (and the twins of course) to the local play centre Friday because Kinder was closed for the day. It was nice to get out, make new friends, and enjoy a quick cuppa, all while Niamh burnt off some of her boundless energy.

* The closeness that is achieved when you sit down and actually talk about issues, even when you didn’t know they were there or as big as what they were. There is a lot to be said for actually telling someone how you feel, especially when it’s done in a non-threatening or blaming way.

* The finding of a solution for arsenic hour at the unlikeliest of places. Whilst at my Aunty’s 50th Birthday Party, with music pumping loudly, and whilst in new sleeping bags snuggled in the pram, the twins slept through 5pm to 10pm without any trouble or whimpers from either of them. Needless to say I am now willing to turn my house into a nightclub to get the twins to sleep!!

20130502-094724.jpg * I have begun to burn my candles again. The house smells wonderful and I love the feeling I get from having them releasing their beautiful scents.

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20130505-164104.jpg Niamh Yet Again Striking A Pose, This Time On Horseback!

20130505-164207.jpg Harper Snuggling Right In For Big Sister Hugs

20130505-164414.jpg Declan With His “Buddy”. There’s No Sleep Unless He’s There To Snuggle!

Niamh – What a week we have had together. You can be such a beautiful, loving little girl one moment and a nasty, hurtful terror the next. This week you have been both angel and devil all rolled into one beautiful package. The start of our week was very rocky with you deciding it was best to be a smart mouth to any and everyone around you. You also acted out by pushing your brother’s head under his bath water, put a blanket over his face (even though we have talked about the dangers of this over and over again because that’s what you do to your dolls) and accidentally kicking your sister in the head when you were acting up near her lying on the playmat. But then we have also had beautiful moments of love and affection, snuggles, laughs and cheekiness that make us so glad you’re a part of our family.

Harper and Declan – This week you both have been so unsettled and had trouble sleeping during the day (and sometimes at night too). There have been days where you did not sleep between feeds all but grizzled and cried your way through, usually at different feeds or tag teaming through one. The reason finally made itself clear yesterday when you both woke up with a snotty nose and watery eyes, a cold has come to visit our house. I also have the feeling you are trying to adjust your sleep cycles (and maybe hopefully preparing to sleep longer than 4 hours between feeds at night) as during the day most feeds are now 3 hours apart. I can wish anyway.

Harper – You have been full of smiles lately even if you haven’t been feeling the best. You already get this very cheeky look and I wish I knew just what you were thinking!

Declan – This week you got to be the first with “a first”. Thursday morning you looked up at me and cooed. Your first “talking” to mummy and you even beat Harper at doing it. You were so proud of yourself and loved it when I cooed back.

Last week I just loved the photos of Eleanor and Garland over at The Golden Adventures of a Very Dark Horse. Not only are the photos so artfully done, I love the fact that both photos show sibling love and similarities.

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